The Top 9 Simpsons Episodes

This might've been the toughest list to narrow down so far. I, like many of you, literally grew up watching The Simpsons. I think of jokes in so many of the episodes every day of my life. I often find myself being the only one in the room who "gets it." Unless I'm around an Irish/English/Aussie... Cause they watch a ton of The Simpsons. Believe it or not, they're actually bigger around the world. They never got over the 1990's Simpsons craze. The "Don't Have a Cow Man" shirts have been replaced with shirts with catch phrases from newer episodes. Newsstands in South America sell every type of Simpsons memorabilia you can think of. It's awesome.

Now, along with growing up watching the Simpsons, I've also lived through their deterioration, which is still happening right now.From a marketing standpoint, thse guys are geniuses. They're making hundreds of millions of dollars. But the humor in the newer episodes (Anything after season 9 or 10) is just lost on me. It has its moments, but nothing will ever compare to the classics. With that in mind, enough babble....Here's the list:

9. Deep Space Homer - Homer turns out to be just "blue collared enough" to drive the ratings of NASA's next space shuttle launch. NASA was losing in the ratings poll to "A Connie Chung Christmas" and something had to be done. We find out that NASA is actually run by super intelligent chimpanzees as Homer takes off into space, nearly destroys the mission, but saves the day at the end...Along with the help of James Taylor's unique breed of folk rock and the all-too important "inanimate carbon rod".



Memorable quote: "Careful! They're rippled!" -- Buzz Aldrin

8. Two Bad Neighbors - In the midst of an Evergreen Terrace Rummage sale, George H. Bush stops the party and moves in across the street from the Simpsons. A Dennis the Menace/Mr. Wilson relationship ensues between Bush and Bart and a war of the roses between Bush and Team Simpson (Homer and Bart) has a rainbow afro glued to Bush's head and a swarm of locusts invading Bush's personal space. In the end, living across the street from the Simpsons proves to be impossible for George and the sweetheart that is Barbara Bush. Meanwhile, Homer discovers that he and Gerald Ford are kindred spirits on their way to watch football, eat nachos and drink beer.



Memorable quote: "I come to bring you gift for warming of house, but instead I find you wrestling with local oaf?" -- Mikhail Gorbachev

7. Colonel Homer - This is a Spinelli favorite for sure. Tammy Wynette, stars as the voice of country bar singer Lurleen Lumpkin. Her sweet melodies touch Homer with their straight to heart honesty ("Well...except for the pickup truck part") and Homer embarks on a mission to manage Lurleen to stardom. The songs are beautifully written and Wynette churns out a couple of classic songs, that if you buy me a drink, I'll sing for you. In the end, Homer chooses his marriage over the prospect of shacking up with Lurleen and guiding her to stardom and sells her contract for $50 to a music exec.



Memorable Quote: "As much as I hate that man right now...You gotta love that suit!"-- Bart

6. Bart the Murderer - Bart is reminiscent of Ray Liotta in 'Goodfellas' as he stumbles (literally) into a job as a bar man for Fat Tony and his mob. Principal Skinner goes missing and the mobsters are prime suspects, they betray Bart and explain to the court that "the boy was in charge of the whole operation". In the end, Skinner reappears, Bart is exonerated and Neil Patrick Harris plays Bart in the made for TV movie.



Memorable Quote: "What have I done to deserve this flat flavorless Manhattan?" --Mob Boss

5. Simpson and Delilah - In this early season (2) classic, Homer discovers a new miracle baldness cure, Demoxinil, but can't afford it and charges it to the company insurance policy. He wakes up with a full head of hair and races down the streets of Springfield notifying the world. My favorite scene of all time happens when Homer and a random stranger meet in front of the Jebediah Springfield statue after they've both been running at the street proclaiming "I have hair!" They bump into each other, face-to-face, squint and in unison shout "Demoxinil!!!" They hug, high five and dance as it cuts to a commercial. Epic.



Memorable Quote: "Dry fish-sticks! This sucks!" -- Homer

4. Flaming Moe's - To avoid spending any time with Patty&Selma, Homer ducks away to the kitchen to make a cocktail. The beer ran out, so Homer threw everything, but the kitchen sink into the drink. He doesn't notice until the end that he slipped some Krusty brand non-narkotic children's cough syrup into the concoction. When one of Patty's cigarette embers fallas into the drink, a large conflagration arises and the drink becomes instantly delicious. Homer shares the recipe of his "Flaming Homer" with Moe the bartender, who promptly steals the idea and markets the shit out of the "Flaming Moe". Moe's tavern quickly becomes the hottest spot in town, purely because of the Flaming Moe. Aerosmith performs on the pool table and Moe sings along. Just as Moe is about to sell the drink for $1 million (which his bar maid convinced him to split with Homer), Homer appears from the darkness of the pub, a la Phantom of the Opera and reveals the secret ingredient of the Flaming Moe: children's cough syrup. The contract gets torn up and Flaming Moe carts start appearing at every corner. Moe's goes back to being the comfortbale dankpit that Homer and the bar flies used to enjoy.



Memorable Quote: "Hey, Homer came up with the drink, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it." -- Moe

3.5 Homer vs. the 18th Amendment - I had to slip this one in at the last minute. Who can forget when Bart got drunk at the Springfield St.Patrick's Day parade, was all over the news and led to prohibiton in Springfield? Of course, this prompted Homer to bootleg liquor, build a distillery in his basement and keep the town drunk via his alter Ego of The Beer Baron. Rex Banner was brought in to replace the banished Chief Wiggum and ultimately chase down the elusive Beer Baron. When the pointless prohibiton law was discovered to have never been in place, Wiggum returns, Homer is exposed and Rex Banner gets catapulted out of town.




Memorable Quote: "To alcohol! The Cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"

3. Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk - Mr.Burns dupes the Germans into buying his leaky nuclear power plant. They instill their German business techniques and Homer is clearly the odd man out. The best daydream sequence this show has ever seen comes when an elated Homer dreams about "The Land of Chocolate." The power plant stock booms, but Homer recently sold his shares for "a cool 25 bucks!". Finally the Germans have had enough of their terrible investment and sell the plant back to Mr.Burns for "a most unreasonable price." Homer gets his job back.


Memorable Quote: "Homer Simpson, sir. Sector sieben-Grueber, I mean, sector 7-G." -- Smithers

2. Itchy & Scratchy Land - "Smashy!Smashy!" The Simpsons take a family vacation to Itchy & Scratchy Land..."Where nothing could possiblye go wrong...uh...possibly go wrong...Thats the first time something's ever gone wrong." This is the greatest theme park ever assembled. While Bart and Lisa are having fun at "Searing Gas Pain Land" and "Unnecessary Surgery Land", Homer and Marge are celebrating New Year's "Every 10 minutes" at TGI McScratchy's on "Parent's Island"... Then, everything goes wrong. Bart and Homer get locked up by the park police for kicking the guy in the Itchy suit and the parade robots turn against all of the park goers. As the park is evacuated, The Simpsons are purposefully left behind. "When you get to hell, tell 'em Itchy sent you!" It's a family triumph as the Simpsons ultimately detonate the robots en route to "the greatest vacation ever!"


Memorable Quote: "Attention Marge Simpson. Your son has been arrested........Attention Marge Simpson: Your older, fatter, balder son has also been arrested." -- Voice over PA system in the gift shop.

1. Homer at the Bat - The single greatest episode of all-time. I'll fight you for it too. Maybe its just cause I'm a baseball nut, but it doesnt get any better than when when Mr.Burns recruits 9 prominent major leaguers and gives them token jobs so they can compete on the company softball team and help him win a $1 million bet. Of course major catastrophes happen to 8 of them and all of the employees have to take the field for the championship game against Shelbyville. All except Homer, of course. Since nothing happened to Daryl Strawberry, who plays his position, right field. In the end, Mr.Burns plays the percentages and pinch hits the right handed Homer, for the lefty Strawberry with the bases loaded. Homer get hit in the head with the pitch and Springfield wins. The rest is softball (and Simpsons) history.



Memorable Quote: "You watch too many movies Sax." -- Lou

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhNfRsVPqv4 ------- here's a link to the song.


Again, this was a tough list to compile and my deepest regards go to The Boy Who Knew Too Much, 22 Short Films About Springfield, Das Bus and Homer's Barbershop Quartet, for they too were amazing episodes.

At its height, The Simpsons was my favorite show of all time. I cant bring myself to watch the new stuff, but we'll always have the classics...immortalized on DVD box sets for $39.99...god...why didn't I think of that?

The Top 9 Things to Order at a Japanese Restaurant

I've been eating Japanese food since I was a wee 4 year old lad in Sao Paulo. My mom and I would go out for sushi and i'd go to town on some Maguro Sashimi... I graduated to krab rolls and teriyaki chicken when i moved to LA (Americans do some crazy shit to sushi). Since the 4-7 year old days, my palette for raw fish has expanded as my wallet has too and then quickly decreased in size when i received the bill. All that aside, who doesnt love sushi? Who cares how much it costs...its delcious, always sits well in your stomach and there's always something new to try (Click the follow button on your right to follow my blog on your blog reel). Enough babble, here's the list :

Miso Soup - Uh...damn right! You can't start a Japanese meal without some hot miso soup to get you prepped. If you ever get a chance to have it with clams, do it. Or if you order Ebi (sweet shrimp) have them put the heads in a bowl of miso soup. Fantastic. My pal Mike Mooneyham puts wasabi in his, which cleanses your nasal passages promptly.

Cold Sake - Yeah, I know you like your hot sake cause you dropped it in sake bombs when you were in college (and some of us still do), but drinking hot sake by itself is solely for the inexperienced. Cold sake is a world in and of itself. It's like a whole new rice wine subculture. There are many variations all based on how dry or fruity the sake is. Its far more refreshing than hot sake, especially considering that hot sake isn't refreshing at all. Shit...if you want to drink something hot, get green tea instead.

House Roll with 2-4 kinds of fish - Even I cave and get a nice big roll at a Japanese joint. I know they're not "traditional" and yes, it is a cheesy American creation, but as long as it has a lot of fish in it, I'm down. What I dont really care for are the rolls with shrimp tempura, asparagus, crab, etc in them. That just doesn't excite me. What does excite me is a roll with yellowtail, salmon, tuna and cucumber in it. Or you can even take one of the three and cover the roll in it. That's just delicious and it fills you up so you're not dropping all your money on sashimi and nigiri. Ok...so maybe without that dollop of sauce on top, but you try and find a picture of a custom ordered roll...

Japanese Scallop (Hotate) Nigiri - Japanese scallops are so delicate, tasty, buttery, with just the right firmness. A pretty underrated order in my book. Make sure its not that Canadian crap scallop though, only Japanese sea scallops. They butterfly a scallop and lay it across the small ball of rice and that's it. Boom!

Uni Shooter - The way I like to end a lot of my trips to the sushi bar. A good uni shooter will have the following: Uni (sea urchin), a quail egg, ponzu sauce, green onion, masago and a splash of sake. If your lucky, you'll get an oyster in there too and it'll come served in the oyster shell. Hamano in Noe Valley does it that way. A lot of people don't like the squishy texture of the uni, I mean after all, it does look like a tongue, but get over your bullshit and take this one down. It's a flavor explosion: the citrusy addition of the ponzu sauce, the crunchy earthy flavor of the green onions, the fishiness of the masago, the protein of the quail egg, the melty flavor and smothery quality of the uni make for the most flavorful order in the entire bar.

Kirin Ichiban - While many Japanese beers yearn for my attention, my eye always falls upon the Kirin Ichiban, especially on draft. It's not as malty as Sapporo and has more flavor than Asahi Super Dry. And quite frankly, sushi and beer are complimentary products.

Gindara (Miso Marinated Black Cod) - As soon as you sit down, order the Gindara. It takes longer than anything to prepare (in the back kitchen or sometimes in a small oven behind the sushi bar.) It's an appetizer, but usually arrives midway through the meal. It's very similar to butterfish and you'll swear you've never had such a succulent and flavorful piece of cooked fish before. The beauty of this very traditional Japanese preparation, lies in its simplicity.

Hamachi Nigiri/Sashimi - In Brazil, we don't have the luxury of hamachi (yellowtail), but its truly the best all-around cut in the bar and I only realized it in America. It has a fatty, buttery taste and texture that makes it taste almost like bluefin tuna, but it's half the price and readily available no matter where you are. My advice to sushi novices, go for the hamachi nigiri and a thirst for discovery within the realm of the sushi bar will be triggered. To my more seasoned Japanese foodies, try the kampachi, which is a younger yellowtail. It's a bit firmer and has a more pronounced flavor.

Toro - Got your wallet out? Ok, now pull out all of your money and prepare to hand it to the crappy server at the Japanese restaurant for BY FAR the best cut in the house. Toro is tuna belly. The fattiest cut you can get, hence the most delicious. You'll usually pay $8-$14 for an order of nigiri, but its worth it. This is the filet mignon of raw fish. If you're feeling a little cheaper, you can order a "negi toro" where they chop a small piece of toro up with green onion and lay it over a small rice ball wrapped with seaweed. Toro is truly the splurge order. Feelin' baller? Order the toro! Feelin down? Order the toro! It'll cheer you up knowing that there's somthing in this world that tastes so delicious......

Well...now that I've made you thoroughly hungry, myself included, get to a sushi bar and try what you haven't. If you're as impressionable as I am, this post will read like a commercial for Japanese restaurants.

And here's a secret of the pros for you: When you're bored with the same ol' shit, tell the sushi chef that you want "Omakase!" which literally mean's "Chef's Selection" and dont be afraid to give him some loose guidelines like "I like yellowtail"...Those guys know so many other preparations that are nowhere near the pages of the menu. And when it rocks the spot and your belly, you can thank you pal Spinelli (i just realized that rhymes...i swear i wasn't trying)



Domo arigato ma people!

Listening to:

Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
Busta Rhymes - When Disaster Strikes...
Cake - Fashion Nugget